


A Tail of Two Idiots (Heroes)

by boxbubble



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Challenge: McFassy AU Fest, Community: mcfassy, Crack, Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-09
Updated: 2011-09-09
Packaged: 2017-10-23 13:47:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/250982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boxbubble/pseuds/boxbubble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fassy gets his longed for tail. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Tail of Two Idiots (Heroes)

**Author's Note:**

> For the [AU McFassy Fest](http://mcfassy.livejournal.com/45111.html#comments) from this Prompt _Not sure if this has been prompted yet, but for godsakes, someone please grant Michael his fondest superpowers wish for a tail and the power of flight, or maybe combine it - he's a high-flying hot super-mutant with a tail who flies around with his sexy little lover Amore/Cupore on his back so that they can spray love all over the universe. Has this been prompted already? If not, it should be written! :-)_
> 
> In this universe the mutant gene has been discovered and they can now identify what possible powers an individual can have and tweak it so they have a choice on how their mutation manifests (slightly Gattica like in this respect but don't expect any real science).
> 
> Originally posted on the McFassy Comm [here](http://mcfassy.livejournal.com/55972.html#cutid1) for the AU McFassy Fest. Because of html differences between LJ and AO3 a part of this fic is posted as a pic.
> 
> Seriously guys [he wants a tail.](http://idontcareeverythingisrainbows.tumblr.com/post/9355669787/encores-guys-guys-do-you-think-michael)

A Tail of Two ~~Idiots~~ Heroes

  
Michael has his genotype identified and catalogued when he first enters the mutant Academy. He’s lucky in that his mutation is one of the rare ones that wouldn’t naturally become active until well after puberty. It is estimated that it wouldn’t cause any issues until his early twenties at least, but it wouldn’t do to be unprepared and so he vows to have his choice power set on in the labs before he hits nineteen.

Sitting at the computer terminal in his new dorm room, he scrolls through his gene diagnostic. His list of possible powers include; a third eye which would allow him to bring back dead things as zombies (this sounds more like a supervillian thing so he decides right off the bat that unless his other choices were having six feet of extra skin or shooting out colored lights, this was off the list), changing his sex (intriguing but not particularly useful in an actual combat situation he regretfully concludes), making people comfortable (???), ability to control magnetic fields (cool power but too much like that Magneto guy), having his fighting prowess grow proportionally to how little clothing he wore (wtf), flying (if nothing else looked good he could always choose this as a fallback), shark abilities (…was the computer screwing with him?), having a six foot prehensile tail,...

**Having a six foot prehensile tail.**

Michael licks his lips, suddenly realizing the dryness in his throat. He looks down at his hands, one busy on his mouse, the other poised on his keyboard, and then glances to the left at the iced lemonade sitting innocuously on the desk, condensation beading on the glass. The rest of the test fades into obscurity as he hones onto that one sentence. The decision is swift and sure after that.

-

Most mutants are encouraged to look into their possible powers for a year or more before making a decision. Because what they ultimately choose will have deep repercussions for the rest of their lives. They are told to look at all the good they could do and the difficulties associated with their possible gifts, to make thoughtful, informed life choices only after thoroughly examining all the information available to them.

Michael has been at the school for approximately six hours and has perused his options for a little less than ten minutes. But he is also thirsty as hell.

-

At his advisor’s deepening look of disappointment Michael looks down and mutters, a little dejectedly, “… and I guess I could fly or some shit.”

-

It is the beginning of his second year at the Academy. Michael is optimistic and excited to finally be able to reveal his chosen superpower to his classmates. He’s absolutely certain they’ll be far more receptive than his student counselor was. As his last name begins with an F, he’s third up in introductions, but for the first time he doesn’t mind. Waiting for the kid ahead of him to finish mumbling something about kinetic energy or connecting to everyone by seven degrees, Michael practically leaps to his feet. Smiling broadly, every tooth in his mouth open to display he proudly announces,

“My name is Michael. My favorite subject is German, favorite show is Magnum P.I. and I am going to have a tail.”

He finishes the sentence with a little flair, looking expectantly out at the crowd. There is an awkward silence after his declaration that causes the first tendril of unease to intrude into Michael’s cheerful frame of mind. Not even the teacher makes a remark, looking like she is fighting off a headache, until Kevin, who shall henceforth be known as that jerk who sits in front of him, turns around and obnoxiously retorts, “What kind of lame ass power is that.” He has the audacity to honestly look puzzled when he continues with “What the heck would you do with a tail anyway?” The class titters at this and just as he wishes the floor would open up and swallow him, or better yet the whole room, into it’s nonjudgmental depths, one boy toward the rear grins cheekily and shoots back in a thick Scottish brogue “What wouldn’t you do with it?” while waggling his eyebrows obscenely.

This is how Michael meets his best friend James.

-

Later after waxing poetic on the great advantages having a tail would bring (being able to communicate his mood without words, carrying extra stuff back to the couch during snack runs, always having the upper hand in tickle fights, but to name a few) while pacing and gesticulating wildly for emphasis, Michael admits to himself he might be a tad biased about the subject. Only just a little bit though.

Exhausted from his show of enthusiasm, he flops down on the couch in the common room. James, who is already sitting beside him, looks amused. He glances at where Michael is slouched in a boneless puddle and indulgently points towards the coffee table holding their dinner trays, adding “Not to mention you could always get yourself a drink without moving from your spot.”

When Michael looks at James he’s absolutely certain there are stars in his eyes.

-

James shows him a printed copy of his mutant diagnostic a few weeks later in his room. The sheet is badly tattered with coffee stains and pen marks in the margins.

-

They end up as roommates when they’re both forced to stay over the summer taking ethics and defensive driving courses after an unfortunate accident involving a Vespa, a stolen golf cart and an ill advised race inside the mansion. Even Professor Xavier, as kind and understanding a headmaster as he is, ends up scowling at them whenever they cross paths the whole three months he is confined to a wheelchair.

-

“We should become superhero partners when we graduate.”

James states one day in the middle of their third year. “Like Batman and Robin.” He pauses before attaching a careful addendum “But with better fashion sense.” They both take a moment to consider Robin’s tights and regrettable color palette and shudder.

“I don’t think I want a costume.” Michael says after some thought.

“I thought you liked Magneto’s style?” Michael gives James a derisive look at this “I said I agreed with some of his points and that I thought he handled things with style, not that his costume was stylish.” At James’ skeptical look Michael barks “Have you seen his helmet? The big M looks like something out of Kamen Rider.”

“Alright, alright, no need to be so defensive. I was just wondering since you’ve got two versions of the _Magneto was right_ poster up on your side of the room.”

“I don’t ask you anything about your Narnia poster.”

“My sister gave that to me as a going away present and it’s a cherished childhood book of mine, but touché.” James looks at Michael who still has his arms crossed in front of him, a grumpy expression plastered on his face. His smile grows more affectionate and wanting to brighten things up again he says “Look I’ll even let you be Batman, since you can do the voice. I’ll be your little monkey sidekick, how about it?”

Michael tilts his head smirking as he eyes James suspiciously “That’s just because you want an excuse to climb all over me.”

-

Today is the day. They are finally going to have their mutations activated in the labs. It’s the beginning of their fourth year and they’re a month behind the rest of the class because Michael Will. Not. change his mind about wanting a tail. James, in a show of solidarity, follows his lead and refuses to go ahead with the procedure as well until Michael gets his chosen power.

The stalemate between them and the administration is finally settled when the school counselor compromises and contacts the lab to learn that Michael can indeed receive a tail along with the ability to fly. But only at the expense of some of the tail length and versatility.

Michael thinks a little mournfully about the lost two feet but agrees to flight as his main mutant power as long as he still gets at least four feet of his promised tail.

-

When Michael first wakes from the changes James is already up and stroking the length of his new appendage. It looks like a ginger cartoon devil tail with a supple broad spade shaped head that comes to a point at the end. He feels giddy as he flexes it for the first time, reaching out to curl it around James’ wrist before dragging him closer. Both of them look each other in the eye and break out into giggles at the possibilities.

-

Michael spends the next few hours picking things up and playing practical jokes on others with his new-found limb. James is already forbidden from using his powers outside of the Danger Room after inadvertently starting an orgy in one of the staff lounges. Although he later patently claims it is unfair seeing how many happy couples came out of it.

When Kevin pitches Michael out the window for snatching at his new helmet one too many times, the pavement rises up to meet his face before slowing and then reversing course. Soaring through the air, tail flipping through the air behind him like a flag, Michael concedes that while a tail is still awesome, maybe flying isn’t so bad either.

-

They practice for weeks together, with James trying to find comfortable handholds and positions while Michael flies around the campus grounds. They’ve long since decided they work best together and would continue their superhero efforts as a team, although James still complains bitterly that a fedora doesn’t constitute as a costume. Michael gamely ignores him and presses them more tightly together with his tail as he does another loop-de-loop in front of the schoolhouse.

-

Dr. McCoy, spurred on by his own experiences with his mutation, is a genius who was instrumental in developing the gene treatment they use today. He is also, however, a well known mad scientist, as can be evidenced by his current blue furry form. Which is why Michael adamantly refuses to volunteer for the testing of the newly designed X-Suits the Dr. encourages on the other students. He elbows James sharply in the ribs when he senses he might raise his hand and ignores the subsequent pouting aimed in his direction.

-

The costume situation all comes to a head one day when James shows up to their training session in a kilt and full stockings. Michael raises an eyebrow and manages “Don’t tell me that’s your superhero outfit,” in the flattest tone he’s capable of.

“Why not? Don’t you think it’s about time a Scottish mutant represents.”

James looks positively mulish, putting his hands on his hips for emphasis. He can’t very well say it’ll be silly to walk around in a kilt all the time, after all they’ll be superheroes, “ridiculous” is a relative term here. Michael finally settles on “…You do know that we’ll be flying _above_ everyone, right?” At James dawning look of comprehension and his small embarrassed “Oh,” Michael nods his head and watches as he turns around to go get changed.

Michael can’t resist using his tail to flip up the pleats in the back before he can take more than a few steps away, getting an eyeful as James attempts to slap the fabric back down. He grins unashamedly at James’ dirty look and watches him stalk away, hands still pressed firmly to the tartan holding it in place.

God he loves his tail.

-

All their training does have one obvious pay off though, even before they get any real combat experience. They become absolute masters at achieving the perfect getaway.

-

Michael warily eyes the big bucket of confetti and glitter James has strapped to his side. “You are aware that all you have to do is look at them to use your power?”

James casts a fond smile at Michael like he is a particularly dim but lovable child. “Of course I know I don’t _**need**_ this stuff, but why the hell does everyone else get to have some cool move to show when they do their thing, and all I get to do is stare at people. How would anyone know I did something then?’ He hitches up the bucket to a hose and spray nozzle as he says “Besides what’s love without sparklies?”

-

They have they’re first test run with the X-Men before being set loose to fight evil on their own, a prospect that the headmaster claims fills him with dread. But all things considered they do alright, with Michael swooping over the battlefield dangling James by his tail as they take turns pointing out the best targets to each other. Things get a little crazy when friendly fire hits Wolverine and Cyclops at the same time, taking three allies out of the fight for an *ahem* extended period of time as Dr. Grey ends up standing by looking utterly fascinated by the tableau. Professor X takes a moment from his mental skirmish with Emma Frost to deliver a scathing look at the two but they do manage to get back into his good books when shortly thereafter a stray shot hits the master of magnetism.

The fighting ends somewhat abruptly as the two leaders end up making out wildly and dry humping like rabbits in front of both groups. A wide swathe of amnesia takes hold of most of the participants in the battle and periodically at the academy for the next few weeks before Magneto is seen stumbling off the school grounds, looking decidedly worse for wear, sans helmet and pants with chess pieces tangled in his hair and cape.

Michael is just glad that they’re not being blamed for anything.

-

It’s after graduation and James is still disappointed at their lack of proper superhero attire but is distracted by the battery operated bubble gun Michael gets him for his birthday. Michael for his part extracts a promise from James to never try to make his own costumes again after a mistaken dye pack bleaches Michael’s hair blonde for the next four months.

-

A year has passed since their debut and they’re a wild success. They’ve dramatically lowered the violent crimes as well as divorce statistics in their city, were voted as both the “Most Fun at a Party” and the “Cutest Superhero Couple” by Time magazine, and have gathered a truly spectacular collection of blackmail material from some of the most prominent supervillians in the business.

Except for all the littering citations life couldn’t be any better.  


**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is confused about why James changed clothes, in Scottish tradition no underclothes are to be worn under a kilt so James would be flashing everyone on the ground if he used that as his costume.


End file.
